A dark cloud hangs over and exciting weekend for all CurvAmericans, following the tragedy of Genoa’s bridge collapse. Two games are postponed and a moment of silence is observed before all Serie A fixtures. Nevertheless, Serie A is back and on ESPN, hopefully putting an end to shady Reddit streams nationwide. Cristiano Ronaldo’s much anticipated Juve debut is almost spoiled by the Geriatric Donkeys. Napoli and OTFR go toe-to-toe in Week one’s Game of the Week. Roma get a moment of brilliance to put them past their former teammates in Torino. And, finally, Inter come out flat and give the season its first big upset.
It Ain’t Over Yet!!! 13 teams in the Serie A still have something to play for in the final three weeks! The Scudetto is a piece of angel hair spaghetti away from being decided with Napoli dropping points in consecutive weeks. Roma overcome getting knocked out of the Champion’s League semi-finals by sending Cagliari to the Danger Zone. OTFR draw Atalanta and Inter wax Udinese to keep the final Champions League spot a one game affair. Milan put themselves in a European position heading into the Coppa Italia final. And Fiorentina keep their European dreams alive with yet another stunning victory in a game that saw a CurvAmerica hero get back on the scoresheet for the first time in years.
The Derby D’Italia turns the calcio world into an Alex Jones' type of conspiracy. Koulibaly goes from Hero to goat and his club, Napoli, heads over to "Spa Fiorentina" for their waxing. Roma show at this point in time all they need is Alisson and 9 other dudes to beat the old-timer Chievo Donkeys. OTFR make a huge sacrifice to the calcio gods to beat Torino. Milan, Atalanta, Fiorentina and Sampdoria get ready for the last Europa spot in a Royal Rumble set up. Crotone, once again vanquishing all in their path in April as they head to the #RaceFor17th - Udinese, Cagliari, Crotone, SPAL and Chievo enter the reverse Serie A Thunderdome (5 teams enter, 1 team stays). That plus Champions League!
Get ready for an episode more trash than usual as we spent our weekend getting a crash course on filmography instead of watching the Serie A. Benevento make it interesting for a hot second, but Juventus use a blade of grass and Costa’s left foot to put it away. The city of Napoli sees a rush to the pharmacies for Xanax after the Donkeys take them to the wire. Roma and Inter make their case for team most deserving of 5th place. OTFR put a tingle in CurvAmerica’s loins ahead of our pilgrimage to the Derby. Sassuolo make Milan become featured in the latest episode of “Teams that should not draw Sassuolo.” And the Derby Della Lanterna finally doesn’t end w/ OTFGenoa fans walking home like Charlie Brown for the first time in the last two years.
Italian Serie A's Winter Break is OVER! Napoli and Juventus each take three points and pull away for the Scudetto, while Inter, OTFR and Roma start the game of musical chairs for the remaining two Champion’s League spots. Roma and Inter play to a disappointing draw despite Alisson’s super human effort. OTFR join Inter, Sampdoria and Juventus as teams that don’t mind kicking the walker out from under Chievo. Sampdoria’s Quags Quagliarella turns in a Nick Foles performance against La Viola dressed in Red. A Bromance is budding in Milan after a 2-1 victory over Cagliari. Crotone thrash Verona to help save Chris’ weekend and Team Meat Sauce’s destruction of Benevento make Marco “the mayor of the downstairs restrooms in the Bologna train station” Ciarla able to cope with the US Government shutdown.
Week 19! Napoli and Juventus take 3 points from some Serie A catfish, while Inter and Roma draw and slip, slip, slip-a-delphia further from the top 2. Milan throws in a last minute submittal for “Ugliest Draw of The Year” against Fiorentina. Udinese stay hot and show the Serie A that for the last 5 weeks a Zebra can change its stripes. Sampdoria rip SPAL for 3 points and keep the feces out of the bed for the last match of 2017. And, finally, Benevento show they are not above beating up old man Chievo to get their first win in Serie A history and have a story to tell everyone in Serie B next season.
Happy Festivus! And Happy holidays to all those too old for Seinfeld. Week 18 was filled with the Airing of Grievances - mostly from Inter and Roma. Napoli and Juve might be pulling away in the table as if eight tiny reindeer are guiding their sleigh. OTFR give Crotone four lumps of coal while Atalanta make it thoroughly clear that Milan is on the naughty list and will not receive anything nice for Christmas this year. Udinese see their new mister Massimo Oddo as a real life Babbo Natale who keeps bringing gifts. Marco’s Bologna enjoy a meat sauce filled Christmas dinner for beating Chievo, while the Cagliari and Hellas both sing Silent Night with no goals. All the Wk 18 action coming your way!!
The Top of the Table forgets how to play soccer this week and drop a combined 13 points. The Derby d’Italia results in a disappointing 0-0 draw and Tim Kraus from Serpents of Madonnina joins us to give his reaction. Roma take that Derby result and play a double goose egg draw of their own. Napoli say “hold my prosecco” and play yet another goal-less draw to round out the Top 4. Sampdoria continue to slide against Cagliari. Gattuso gets his first 3 points as Milan’s skipper and OTFR are all kinds of emotional after their 4th disappointing weekend in a row.